Romps with your boss, S&M fantasies and sex with an ex… here are what your sex dreams REALLY mean


Our sex and relationship columnist Dr Pam Spurr regularly brings you must-know info for the bedroom and beyond. Follow Dr Pam on Twitter @drpamspurr

Christine Lampard recently revealed that her hubby, Frank, has sex dreams about her sleeping with other men.

Christine Bleakley admits Frank Lampard dreams about her having an affair

While this scorching hot, slumber-time topic seemed surprising, such night-time naughtiness in dreams is fairly common.

Sex dreams reveal lots about your sleeping mind and unconscious thoughts.

Here are six sexy dreams and what they reveal…

1. Exhibitionist sex


Doggers are often found in secluded woodland areas

Typically you find yourself putting on a sex show.

Maybe you’re stripping or performing like a porn star. You get turned on showing off.

What it reveals: Obviously this can be classic wish fulfilment and a desire for abandoned sex.

Or you might be feeling neglected in your sex life and crave attention from your partner.

If you have these thoughts, try coaxing your partner into more affection… and then more bedroom action!

Or this dream might reveal you have exhibitionist tendencies.

Maybe you bottle these up during the day – so definitely find a release for them in an exciting hobby.

2. Sex with a boss or workmate that you don’t like or even fancy

Low section view of a businessman and a businesswoman flirting in an office

Suggestive  … she was very friendly and flirty with me from day one

These dreams are bewildering! Why would I have hot sex with someone I don’t like or find attractive?

Typically images are of raunchy sex on the desk, in the boardroom, you can’t stop yourself.

What it reveals: Often these are about taking control of a work situation.

They can reflect a power struggle between you and a colleague, and aren’t actually about sex.

Your sleeping mind gives you some control through having sex the way you want it.

3. Gay sex when you’re not gay

Do you dream about getting intimate with someone from the same sex? You're not alone


Do you dream about getting intimate with someone from the same sex? You’re not alone

As a straight woman it’s surprising – gliding body-to- body with another woman and getting super aroused.

Ditto for a straight man enjoying a gay romp, which can cause anxiety about their sexuality.

What it reveals: Relax, these dreams are usually about curiosity.

Although of course they might reveal bi-curiosity, especially if they’re recurrent dreams.

It’s one way for your subconscious mind to allow you ‘let go’ and do something new.

So you might be bored in your sex life, too.

Check out a sex guide with your partner and each choose something new to try.

4. Hot sex with your ex

Sex with your ex dreams could be perfectly normal... or point to feelings of regret


Sex with your ex dreams could be perfectly normal… or point to feelings of regret

Okay, don’t panic that you got frisky with your ex, especially if you have a new partner.

These are extremely common, where your sleeping mind replays sex sessions with your ex. Or puts you in a new scenario with them.

What it reveals: Often these signify you feel nervous in your new life, post-breakup.

So your sleeping mind gives you something familiar and comfortable.

Although if you miss your ex, or it ended badly, it might reveal emotional baggage you haven’t dealt with.

5. Embarrassing sex

Awkward sex dreams may occasionally point to your own insecurities

Awkward sex dreams may occasionally point to your own insecurities

Our sleeping minds can be playful.

This may trigger dreams of awkward sexual situations, such as if someone walks in on you masturbating.

What it reveals: If someone walks in on you, it can symbolise you hide some of your personality, that you can be a bit fake.

And if you get caught out in your sex dream, this may point to self-consciousness in the bedroom.

These are wake-up calls to confront insecurities about yourself.

6. S&M sex

dominatrix with whip seated on the edge of a bed. Image shot 07/2014. Exact date unknown.


The study found BDSM can lead to a state of consciousness which fosters creativity – and reduces stress

Risky, exciting and erotic S&M situations are fairly common (you naughty people).

You may be in charge strutting around in high heels, wielding a whip. Or maybe you’re submissive, tied-up and blindfolded.

What it reveals: Being dominant reveals a need for more control, that you’d relish the chance.

And it can be wish fulfilment for more sexual confidence.

Being submissive can be about letting go sexually, to be teased, even tormented.

It can be playful but if there’s anxiety in the dream, it might reflect you feel too dominated in waking life.

And what about Christine and Frank?

Christine recently revealed something very intimate about Frank Lampard's dreaming habits

PA:Press Association

Christine recently revealed something very intimate about Frank Lampard’s dreaming habits

Dreaming your partner has sex with someone else is often about seeing another side to their personality.

Not that you really want to watch them going at it…although you might, it’s called ‘cuckolded sex’.

Did these tips open your eyes to what these dreams really mean?

Here’s what Dr Pam Spurr thinks of a worrying new porn trend and her opinion on the five sexual fantasies your partner will never tell you about.

Follow Dr Pam on twitter ​@drpamspurr

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